My official economic recovery plan

It’s very important to have an open dialogue with our elected officials, since we have a duty to share our opinions and views. Nobel Prize-winning writer Günter Grass once said, “The job of a citizen is to keep his mouth open.”

So, with that in mind, I decided to write to the big “O” (that would be President Obama, not Oprah) with my thoughts on potential additions to the economic recovery plan. While I may not have a degree in economics, I hope I offered some things for him to think about.

To encourage you to also write to your elected officials — both local and national — on issues you care about, I’ve included a copy of my letter here:

Dear Mr. President,

Hi, there. Hope things are going well over in Washington — and I hope that Joe Biden isn’t too much of a pain. If his mouth gets him into trouble again, you can always employ the use of duct tape (I’m sure the CIA still has some left in storage from all the waterboarding).

Anyway, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about our current financial situation, and I have some ideas to share with you. If you decide to make use of any of them, I don’t need any credit or acknowledgement. In fact, you don’t even have to pay me — just have Bank of America toss me an executive bonus.

Without further ado, let’s get started. Here are my top five suggestions on how you can stimulate the economy quickly and raise much-needed capital:

1. Secretly convert the new White House Kitchen Garden into a marijuana patch. With the income that generates, you’ll be able to float Chrysler for at least three to four more months.

2. Sell Texas. I’m not sure we even need it, anyway.

3. Rent out the Lincoln Bedroom to the highest bidder — those Middle Eastern sheiks have more cash than they know what to do with.

4. Encourage the corporate sponsorship of various national parks and landmarks. For example, the Washington Monument could be renamed Kellogg’s Washington Monument, and Yellowstone Park could become MasterCard Park. This could be very lucrative.

5. Convince the world you have a cure for swine flu. Manufacture the “cure” and charge China double to buy it.

I have additional ideas, too. So if you need any more, just ask.

Good luck!

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• Elizabette Guecamburu is a writer and a native Patterson resident. She can be reached at www.elizabette.com.