Hometown Girl: Auld Lang Syne
by Elizabette Guecamburu | For the Patterson Irrigator
Dec 19, 2012 | 1602 views | 0 0 comments | 10 10 recommendations | email to a friend | print
The Scottish poet Robert Burns wrote the lyrics to the ultimate year-end anthem “Auld Lang Syne” in 1788 — an era mostly associated with men wearing powdered wigs and mobs of Frenchmen cutting off people’s heads.

Burns’ words have become entrenched in the holiday season, and you can’t turn on the radio without hearing a version or two.

When I hear the tune, a bittersweet feeling descends over me as I remember the passing year and realize that I’m a year older and that it’s scientifically impossible to turn back the clock (unless daylight saving time is ending).

It’s the same feeling I get when I’ve eaten too much raw cookie dough and for a brief moment I wonder if I may vomit.

Anyway, this year, the song has extra meaning — because, this month, the world is ending.

Yes, I’m sorry to break it to you, but the world ends in December 2012. I read about it on the Internet, and everyone knows that everything you read on the Internet is true. If that isn’t proof enough, I have several random email forwards in my inbox saying the same thing.

As it appears we won’t be around to enjoy 2013, I’ve decided to write a list of things I wish I could do in the New Year, but clearly won’t be able to do now.

• Get my own reality show: If Snooki can do it, so can I. All I need is a bunch of hair spray and self-tanning lotion.

• Learn calculus: For my college degree, I never had to take it. But it can’t be that hard, right?

• Eat a Twinkie: With Hostess declaring bankruptcy, the processed snacks’ days are numbered. Thousands have taken to hoarding Twinkies in their basements as if they are expecting a repeat of the Cuban missile crisis.

• Meet Donald Trump: Someone really needs to verify if that stuff on his head is hair or a dead squirrel.

It’s rather a shame, really, that I won’t be able to achieve these dreams. But I can take solace in one thing: If anything can withstand the end of the world, it’s a Twinkie.

At least we can be thankful for that.

Auld Lang Syne, dear friends.

• Elizabette Guecamburu, a volunteer columnist for the Irrigator, is a writer and a native Patterson resident. She can be reached at elizabette@hotmail.com.

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