So, not only did Weiner have to resign from Congress, now he’ll forever be known as ‘that weird pervert guy.’ I have a whole collection of Weiner jokes I’ve been hording for weeks, but I’ll spare you. When a man named Weiner is brought down by his weiner, the irony eventually runs out of steam.
Next, International Monetary Fund head, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, was forced to resign his post after alleged sexual misconduct in New York. Although, in contrast to Schwarzenegger and Weiner, the only way Strauss-Kahn will get chiseled muscles is if he traces them on his own chest with a Sharpie. The veracity of the charges against Strauss-Kahn have garnered much international attention, especially in his native France. After all, the only thing the French love more than a scandal is pureed fattened goose liver.
Next, former senator and VP candidate, John Edwards was indicted for allegedly using campaign funds to cover up his affair with Rielle Hunter (who is probably only one step away from earning a spot on The Real Housewives). First, Edwards cheats on his terminally-ill wife and fathers a child, and now he’s been indicted. Sure bet he wishes he could go back to the good ol’ days in 2004– when his biggest problem was not falling asleep during one of John Kerry’s campaign speeches.
Men, listen up. Heed this warning: I fear for the state of the male race. I’m starting to wonder if the Y chromosome contains a scandal gene that makes certain men more predisposed to making fools of themselves. Because, if this keeps up, women may have to take matters into their own hands— like by chewing off their male partners’ head after mating like a praying mantis.
I’m hopeful it won’t come to that, however. Humans are more evolved than insects… Right?
• Elizabette Guecamburu, a volunteer columnist for the Irrigator, is a writer and a native Patterson resident. She can be reached at email@example.com.