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| GriefShare sessions deal with death of loved ones |
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| Written by Maddy Houk / Patterson Irrigator / | |
| Wednesday, 16 January 2008 | |
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At a glance
After Joan White’s husband, Walter, and son, Brook, died within a few months of each other in 2006, she wanted to help others who have experienced the death of loved ones. For the past year, White has done just that as a local facilitator for the North Carolina-based GriefShare program, a Bible-based program for people dealing with grief. The next session will begin Feb. 9 at Patterson Christian Fellowship’s offices. Participants do not have to belong to the church, and nothing is discussed outside the group, White said. The only criterion for participating is that those who attend have lost a loved one. “It is helpful to meet with people who understand what you are experiencing and want to offer you comfort and encouragement,” White said. “We’re basically not taught how to deal with death.” Each session features a video on grief and recovery topics and includes real-life stories of people who have experienced loss. Afterward, people meet in a small group to interact with others who have experienced loss and to have a chance to share their feelings. With the help of a GriefShare workbook, participants can write about what they have done and how they feel. White said people can start the sessions at any time, but it is more helpful to start with the first session. “It gives us the tools we need because sometimes we’re stumbling in the dark on these things,” White said. She said journaling has helped her look back six or eight months and see how far she has come. “The bottom line is to help people,” White said. “I don’t think we’ll ever experience anything harder in our lives than grief.” Cannot be ‘fixed’ White’s friend, Betty Hilburn, whose husband, Arlin Hilburn died in 2001, said she is “a fixer” like White, and it took her a few months to realize death is something she cannot change or fix. So she turned to GriefShare. “It’s one of the things that helps me get through,” Hilburn said. Hilburn said people should not hide in a corner, close the doors and windows and stay inside; they need to find someone to talk to. She has a supportive family, but she said GriefShare offers another kind of help. “Going to GriefShare is a good thing,” Hilburn said. “It’s a good place to get you talking — that’s so important. The grief sessions are very, very good, especially if you don’t want to talk to family.” Susan Thorkelson-Garcia, whose husband, Leland Thorkelson, died in 1988, said she finds the sessions helpful even 20 years later. “Grieving is a very personal experience,” Thorkelson-Garcia said. “... The program shows you how everyone grieves in his or her own way. It’s a subject we’re very uncomfortable with. “It deals with all kinds of losses — death of a spouse, child, and parent. I think it’s very important for people to be aware of the process.” Though her spouse died longer ago than the loved ones of other attendees, she said it is a benefit for her. “This is for everyone. … Even if you haven’t experienced a death of a loved one, you’re going to,” Thorkelson-Garcia said. The Rev. Ken Hasekamp, pastor of Patterson Christian Fellowship, said the program has gone through the complete series twice, and he has learned much about grief and the grieving process. “I’m a person that’s never had a problem getting over grief,” Hasekamp said. “Like everyone else, I’ve lost people close to me. What it did for me is give me a new appreciation for how others grieve.” He said grieving is an individual event. “GriefShare is about people getting to the other side of grief, getting back to where life will never be the same — but life has to go on,” Hasekamp said. “You’ve got to get back to where life is healthy. There are losses you never get completely over. “You’ve got to get to the healthy side of it. It’s a daily thing of taking that next step, whatever that next step may be.”
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