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Written by Ron Swift   
Saturday, 15 December 2007

How ’bout those cell phones?

This time of year, I feel truly blessed.
Image
Ron Swift

Kind friends in Patterson — even relatives from afar — forward me tidbits of usable information they assume would interest me greatly, much of it about cell phones.

You might recall my occasional mentioning of my disdain for cell phones. Nevertheless, I’ve come to accept that the intrusive devices are here to stay. However, I will continue to indignantly disapprove of anyone younger than 5 having his or her own cell, and those of us 70 and older have successfully lived all these years without ’em. Why ruin a good life by starting now?

This week, I received a list of five rather unknown things a cell phone can do for you. Here’s the best of the five:
You lock your keys in your car, including the remote that unlocks the door. The spare key and spare remote are at home, maybe even hundreds of miles away. You need a solution.

Simple, so I’m told: Just call home on your cell phone to someone with a cell, hold your phone near the car door and have them press the remote’s unlock bottom into their cell, which will unlock your car.

There is another solution: Don’t lock your dang keys in the car. Or, if you do, keep your remote in another pocket. Also, be sure you don’t lock your cell phone in the car.

And don’t call me and expect an “unlock” using my cell phone. It won’t happen.

A SAD, SAD TIME
It doesn’t say much about modern society that our schools must be secured behind fences and that the grounds must be locked up tight after hours.

Many of us in the older generation can remember countless hours spent playing ball at our schools or using the playground equipment as a gathering place for socializing with our friends.

And many of us remember walking to and from school. Many kids never do. They are driven to school until they get a license of their own. Then, they drive themselves to class.

Back in Iowa, we always walked. In the winter, it was because it was so cold that the cars wouldn’t start or the snowplows couldn’t keep up with the falling white stuff. And it was uphill both ways, with a 40-knot wind blowing in both directions at once, and ….

Some readers might remember bundling up on cold winter mornings when they were kids. On went the snowsuit, over which went a heavy coat. A warm scarf was added before a hat with earflaps. Then came the rubber boots (we called ’em galoshes) and, of course, mittens.

It was only when you got all of this winter clothing on that you had to go to the restroom.

TURKEY BACK HOME
You might remember reading about the male turkey we found in our front yard the day after Thanksgiving — the one Vi Parker “rescued” and transported to her rural Patterson home to join her several turkeys.
Third-grader Arandeny Villasenor saw the photo of her missing turkey in the Irrigator. Arandeny lives in the country but had left her bird with a relative in town, and from there, Mr. Tom wandered into our yard, where he stayed a couple of nights. She retrieved her pet from Vi, who was happy for Arandeny but sad that she lost her newfound friend.

AS FATE WOULD HAVE IT
My good friend Bob “Spokie” Kimball, an ardent two-wheeler specialist who has logged 40,000 cycling miles and counting, recently suffered still another bike mishap. (He’s had his share.)

As he stepped out the front door of a local business, he was knocked flat on the sidewalk by (you guessed it) a bicycle.

Not seriously hurt — Bob points out that it was a hit-and-run. The male cyclist fled with his bike, leaving Spokie with a good bump on the head.

Dangerous, those bicycles.

WORTH SEEING
If you haven’t recently driven out Sperry Avenue, it’s worth doing to see the decorated palm trees all the way to Villa Del Lago.

They provide a colorful entrance to our city.

FOR THE SPORTS FAN
It’s neat that Central Catholic is playing today in Southern California for the small-school state football championship. As Patterson’s only losses came at the hands of the Raiders, that says even more for the rise of the Tigers’ gridiron program.

But a final thought on the recently completed prep football season. How are smaller West Side schools Newman and Gustine expected to be competitive in the sport against the likes of Central, Patterson and Hilmar, who they will face in league play each fall? Blowouts aren’t good for anyone.

Oh, a note on basketball that you’ve been waiting for: The North Carolina women this week defeated Wolford, 102-40. What-in-heck is NC doin’ playing Wolford?

AND FINALLY …
As Recreation Director Adrienne Chaney began her talk before the local Lions Club on a new youth fitness program for Patterson ninth-graders, the Lions were served a very rich dessert.

I’m pleased to announce that Lion Andy Barsamian waited until Adrienne was finished talking before he ate his.

Ron Swift is editor/publisher emeritus of the Patterson Irrigator. His column appears weekly in this space.
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