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| Fast Talk |
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| Written by Ron Swift / Fast Talk | |
| Friday, 27 June 2008 | |
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Just put it in the garage Many of you Patterson families undoubtedly share this circumstance with us: The filled-up garage.  Ron Swift / Fast Talk Being brave, I’ll start with Housemate’s (HM’s) stuff first. Much of it is garden supplies, from boxes of soil nutrients to hand tools, from clay pots to that green tying material, from both wooden and plastic stakes to metal poles onto which plants are tied. Oops, forgot the rolls of chicken wire. And these are just the gardening materials she seldom uses, for the heavily used items are on the back porch with the large implements of soil renovation. Admittedly, the bulk of the garage junk is mine. Dozens of old (and antique) picture frames of varying sizes, all without pictures. Large pieces (some antique) of furniture stored to be someday stripped and repaired. Boxes of tax records, some so old that the boxes are falling apart. A workbench so heaped with miscellany that the bench itself is invisible. Three bicycles, even though there are only two of us and I no longer ride. (Hey, Spokie!) Not to mention the cans of paint, sealer, stain, varnish and patching compound and dozens of assorted utensils for applying anything and everything that comes in a can. (How many paintbrushes does one family need? You tell me.) Also a Christmas tree stand, at least three gas cans, numerous boxes of hobby craft, a box of leftover floor tile, remnants of a stamp collection, assorted power tools including a circular saw, several power drills, at least two sanders, a blower and a sucker, and a huge gas barbecue that someone in the family forgot to take home. And, of course, the electric lawnmower that is now inoperable, because I can’t find the key that makes it work. My father always kept his nails and screws of various sizes in small glass jars, so I inherited plenty of those. Plus a quantity of lumber, rolls of chicken wire along with nine metal posts, and a full drawer of nothing but sandpaper. Then there’s a vast assortment of hand tools, which because of the clutter are seldom located when one needs them on short notice. And lots and lots of cobwebs. Maybe you can see where this is going. Not only did I undertake to clean out the garage the other day, but the decision was made to put up sheetrock so as to cut down on the cobwebs. The first chore was unloading the workbench. Then, the vast quantity of lumber beneath it had to be lugged outside before the bench itself was manually pushed (not lifted) to the middle of the garage. The neighbors must have thought we had gone into the lumber business. Three cabinets, two mostly filled with paint, had to be emptied before they, too, were pushed to the center. All the tools hanging on the walls, as well as the nails holding them, were removed and also heaped in the middle, where the workbench was now totally invisible. Let me jump to the end of this story. If you ever plan on sheetrocking or even painting the interior of your garage without first completely removing its contents — all the contents — let me give you a word of advice: Don’t. TRIUMPHANT RETURN Johnny Farinha, that Patterson bard with Crows Landing roots, has returned after being absent since Feb. 1 while on medical leave. Johnny was welcomed back to town by his Knights of the Square Table (KOST) buddies, who truly missed his friendly demeanor, ribaldry, humor and tremendously good looks. In fact, they greeted him one day last week in the dining room at Mil’s, where he was sneaking breakfast without joining them for coffee. Johnny immediately offered to buy the brew for his buddies, but they insisted that he join them for their daily roll of the dice. He lost anyway, which they thought was only right, but it’s good to have him back and looking healthy. KUDOS ARE DUE Let’s give the Patterson-Westley Chamber of Commerce a pat on the back for organizing a family fun event for Fourth of July. The chamber has discontinued its annual September chili cook-off, an event that had run its course. The July 4 party in the downtown parks and streets is being initiated as a replacement and will serve as a good tune-up for next year’s Patterson centennial bash on Independence Day. Which leads me to a question: Just what percentage of today’s young people can answer what this country became independent of? THE RIGHT DIRECTION Three of downtown Patterson’s largest retail stores have been vacant for some time, but two are about to get tenants. As has been announced, Patterson Family Pharmacy will soon move into the vacant Long’s/Patterson Drug building on Del Puerto. That move will be made in a few weeks. And in the same block, Patterson Police Services will soon use the former City Hall quarters, enabling the fire department to expand into the vacated space on Las Palmas Avenue. The law enforcement business here has been expanding, we have been told. That leaves only the former True Value Hardware space to fill on North Third Street. If only we could lure another Harley’s Department Store, a longtime tenant in that space, to Patterson. FOR THE SPORTS FAN If Patterson builds a skateboard park for its young people, will they be required to wear helmets to abide by state law? Yes, we’re told they will — or not skate. AND FINALLY … On these hot, smoky days, I try to solve the air-quality problem by going to my computer and hitting “draft.” It doesn’t work. Am I doing something wrong?
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