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| Fast Talk |
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| Written by Ron Swift / Fast Talk | |
| Saturday, 16 February 2008 | |
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A different view on Valentine’s Day Thursday was just right. Oh sure, it was Valentine’s Day and the See’s store in Modesto was packed to the door hinges, but I refer to the weather.  Ron Swift / Fast Talk It wasn’t many decades ago that a view of the snow-capped Sierra was a regular occurrence. But not in recent polluted years. However, Thursday’s breeze cleared the skies, giving us a look at the mountains we now see only two or three times a year. And then there was a view of the Diablo range just a couple of miles to the west. The recent rains have greened up our hills, giving them a soft, mossy appearance that some of us find exceedingly soothing. But not all. We’ve heard some Pattersonites exclaim that they think our hills are ugly and boring. They see no beauty in the changing purplish hues of the hills in the evening twilight, a beauty that remains even after the hills dry out and turn brown. I feel sorry for them. For the sweet tooth This columnist regularly receives items suggested for Fast Talk, and this week was no exception. Here’s one from Housemate (HM), who rarely reads the column for fear I’ll tell some story about her, like the time she was doing yard work and fell, completely clothed, into our swimming pool. As you read this, HM is trying to wean herself off bottled water. Not that she minds paying a small fortune for aqua in a plastic wrap, but she feels the bottles are unkind to our environment. Besides, they encourage dumpster diving. At the same time, HM doesn’t much care for the taste of Patterson water. “It’s chewy,” she once explained. So she came up with the following solution that works for her, is cost-saving and is environmentally sound: Fill a Nalgene or stainless-steel bottle with filtered water from the refrigerator. Then put in two spoonfuls of honey and store in the refrigerator for use as needed. She says the taste is great. I haven’t tried it. After the fact, again I hate to be repetitious, but the local Lions Club did it again this year. Once more the Lions played loose and free with the calendar. Let me explain. Three years ago, Lion Bryan Bingham was chairman of the club’s traditional Valentine’s Day dinner to which “significant others” are invited. For whatever reason, the event was placed near the end of February. The next year, the mis-scheduling was repeated, much to my dismay. At my house, we observe the Fourth of July on July 4, Christmas on Dec. 25, New Year’s Day on Jan. 1 — you get the idea. And because Valentine’s Day traditionally falls on Feb. 14, we observe the same on Feb. 14. Last year, the Lions got it right. The club, of which I am a proud member, invited the ladies and had a fine dinner on our regular meeting night — Wednesday, Feb. 14. I was placated. Then came this year. And rather than a fine dinner on Wednesday night that would have missed Valentine’s Day by only three or four hours, it was on Friday evening, Feb. 15. Because I celebrated all day Thursday, I passed on the Friday dinner. Let’s just hope the Lions don’t push St. Patrick’s Day off to March 20, thereby bumping Easter to the middle of the week. From the mailbag Swifty, I read your diatribe about cell phones and I know you don’t care much for computers. Is there anything you like? — Askin’ Dear Ask: There is, but I’m not going to tell you what, because I don’t like your tone. Now comes the test These past several weeks, Fast Talk has been making an attempt to educate readers on some of the finer points of life. Now we have a self-test of questions to see just how sharp you’ve become. Answer four of seven questions correctly and you will be considered brilliant. 1. Can you cry under water?2. What disease did cured ham actually have? 3. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 4. Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up, like, every two hours? 5. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? 6. Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural? 7. And finally: If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? AND FINALLY … The flu season is upon us — hard. Take an incident that occurred the other day at the Patterson Irrigator offices. Reporter Maddy Houk actually sneezed so hard that it broke the leg off her desk chair. And if you’ve priced desk chairs recently, you know they don’t come cheap. Ron Swift is editor/publisher emeritus of the Patterson Irrigator. His column appears weekly in this space.
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